Sorry it has been so long in writing again. I’m sure everybody would understand when I say things have been hectic and I’ve been busy. I wanted to dodge political discussion with this post as I believe america needs to have a “come to Jesus” talk with themselves and do some emotional healing.
I never thought I’d lose weight. I was on the edge of 400 lbs and struggled to keep gaining under control despite following a dietitian and had a physical fitness instructor who were left baffled. My only option, according to my primary doctor at the time, was to have a surgery I couldn’t afford. It was soul crushing and I felt defeated after 3 years of actively trying hard to lose weight, enduring 12 miscarriages, and in the final stretch of my 20s and felt my life clock ticking away. I even donated my old “skinny” clothes just before actually losing weight, thinking I’d never fit in them again.
I thought when I lost weight, it’d stop the remarks about being fat. I was surprised to find out that I lied to myself. Once I lost enough weight to not be morbidly obese, the remarks came about how small I was and would question my weightloss in attempts to drag me down. Comments like “I doubt you actually went to the gym or did anything physical to lose the weight” or “you might have cancer losing that much weight that quickly” (it’s been 5 years and I’ve lost over 150 lbs. Not sure how that’s drastic when you’re almost 400 lbs especially since basically the first 50-75 lbs dropped really quickly in comparison to the rest. So don’t expect the insults to fade. You might get more strangers to smile at you or hold the door open for you but the insults don’t go away. People will find ANYTHING to bring you down if it’s in their character or nature to do so… So please make sure you’re losing weight for YOU because you deserve it and not out of praise or pride from others.
Losing weight is incredibly itchy. Areas like my arms, thighs, and stomach have been incredibly itchy since losing weight. Like, Ive clawed myself up bad scratching because the itch is so intense. I noticed this symptom increasing after losing a chunk of weight or dropping water weight during menstruation or ovulation. I had no idea my skin trying to heal from being so far would be so itchy and uncomfortable. It almost became a major deterrent when I hit 75-100 lbs lost because it was so intense… But I used anti itch cream and steamed through that too. So don’t suffer with side effects to better health, it’s okay to use things to help relieve the itching!
The mental work you have to put in is just as intense if not more than the physical work. For me, I had a lot of mental issues and trauma that was severely neglected or ignored and kinda swept under the rug throughout my life. It was easy at one point for me to just ignore bad things and truck on… But I didn’t realize that eventually I would have to face and deal with it anyway… I’d I had known I would’ve dealt with it sooner so it hadn’t been subconsciously tearing me apart for 25 years. I experienced suppressed memories that began to play like an old movie in my head… And they were so disturbing I had to ask my mom if there was any reality to it, which sadly there was. I’ve had to find a counselor I like that listens to me and cares about me and my needs as much as I do or wanna learn to do. It’s okay to change doctors if yours isn’t working for you, that’s not saying they’re a bad doctor, counselor, psychologist, etc .. because you’re needs are based on finding someone emotionally and mentally compatible for you so you’re comfortable opening up and tackling past and current mental health conditions and trauma. Every major thing I tackled emotionally, was in line with my weightloss and I can’t deny that I benefitted from taking care of my mental health as much as the physical aspects.
Lastly, I encourage everybody to take time to learn to appreciate themselves. I had no idea what I’d physically look like losing weight. Im much more hourglass shaped than I had pictured and I’ve had to accept and appreciate my body naturally and not in comparison to bodies I found attractive or thought I could strive for. I’m still learning this aspect myself but I’ve also come a long way and I can recognize that and appreciate it. Almost every single person on this planet wishes they looked different or had different features.. some of them may be features you personally don’t like about yourself. The world is hard enough don’t be another aspect in your life that’s hard on you too. I was a toxic miserable asshole in my early 20s and prior. I cringe anytime old posts of mine show up in the dreaded “memories” section of Facebook but I realize that’s probably a good thing and is something I can easily observe and appreciate.
No matter what weight you are, strive to be and present what you want. Embrace yourself. This post isn’t to degrade plus size people either. I, personally, was incredibly unhealthy and often hospitalized for minor ailments because my weight impacted me so negatively. It was best for me to work on losing weight. I will probably never be a gym rat or have abs but I absolutely want to be healthy and be around as long as possible for my son, husband, dogs, and myself. For the first time in my life, I want to live as long as possible when from childhood until late 20s as I was growing up, I expected to be dead by 30. Don’t let things get in the way of your health and, again, do it for you because you deserve health and happiness.