I have so much to say and obviously the effort I’m going put in this will be more appreciated in at least the fact you took the effort to actually read this. I’m sure my RSD isn’t helping right now but I’m hoping writing out my feelings will help instead of lashing out my hurt and pain. I’ve asked for over a year if any of my friends have an issue with me and it’s always followed by “no I just don’t see your posts”.
One of my biggest issues with social media is how FAKE everyone is and we all fall into a loop of sharing our best moments. Christmas was a perfect example. People who have bickered for years and talked shit about each other are posting smiling faces with the same exact family they spent the other 364 days bitching about. It makes me physically ill at this point to force myself into these situations so now, I don’t. I understand the difference between being fake and being civil. I can be civil to someone while at the same time having proper boundaries to guard myself from them.
Anyways, here’s exhibit A
I posted my previous blog on my Facebook page. 9 people reacted to it, people who tell me they’re my friend. People I’m relatively close to even if on an online relationship (I consider them friends or even family but never met them in person).
There’s the insight from today (3 days later). 2 people from the UK read my last blog. None of the 9 people who liked my post on facebook actually live in the UK.
Now, my issue is NOT that they didn’t read it. It’s the fact that they even loved it and reacted to my post as if they read it. That’s my problem. It is fake. Don’t blow sunshine up my skirt. I surround myself with people I admire, respect,a and trust to help me continue to grow into a better version of myself everyday. I am striving for personal growth and I cannot do so when people choose to blow sunshine up my skirt or inflate my ego, even if it’s out of being polite and I don’t know what I’ve done to give anybody the impression I would expect anything less or if that’s just what social media has done to us.